The Things That Stay

Mar Barreto on the people, friendships and unexpected moments that have shaped her life in weddings.

There is something I have come to appreciate about the conversations we have through Petit Notes. They often begin with someone’s work, but somewhere along the way we find ourselves talking about something else entirely. A decision made years ago. Someone who offered an opportunity at just the right moment. A friendship that began at work and became part of a life.

I sat down with Mar Barreto, a wedding planner whose career has taken her from Los Cabos to Punta de Mita and Puerto Vallarta, wanting to understand her approach to design. She has spent more than a decade in weddings and hospitality, and I was curious how she had developed her eye for elegance, proportion and the details that make a celebration feel personal.

But whenever I asked about the weddings she remembered most, she kept returning to the people. The couples who became friends. The vendors who had supported her for years. The colleagues who helped her find her way into a profession she never expected to enter. I began to wonder whether the most meaningful part of a wedding planner’s work might have very little to do with the wedding itself.

A Conversation with Mar Barreto

Mar did not grow up imagining a career in weddings. She studied tourism because she loved food, travel and discovering other cultures, and her internships took her from Disney World to a hotel front desk in Puerto Vallarta and a human resources office. Her way into weddings came through someone who remembered her from one of them.

You told me you didn’t really know what your passion was. How did you end up in weddings?

MarAt my last internship there was someone in the sales department who was always very kind to me. After I graduated, he contacted me because there was an opening in groups and weddings, and he told me he had always liked my attitude. I told him I didn’t know anything about events. But I’ve always been proactive, and I was willing to learn, so I said yes.

The beginning was hard. Events are stressful, there is so much information to manage, and the work is demanding physically, mentally and emotionally. But I loved it. Every day was different, every wedding was different, and I never got bored.

The call came from Jayson Stirrup, today Director at Casa Hogar Los Cabos. She stayed in Los Cabos for more than three years, then asked for a transfer when the W Punta de Mita opened and moved to La Cruz de Huanacaxtle. Two years later she joined the Four Seasons, this time in sales. She was selling room blocks now, not planning events, and she missed them.

At the Four Seasons, you asked permission to work weddings on your weekends. Why?

MarBecause I missed events so much! As a sales manager I wasn’t part of the weddings themselves, so I asked if I could work as a freelancer outside the hotel. I would write to wedding planners and tell them I was available if they needed help. I worked Monday to Friday at the hotel, and on weekends I was at events. I just loved being part of weddings.

She already had a full-time career, and she knew exactly how exhausting events could be. She chose to spend her days off on them anyway. When she eventually started her own company, she had built something as valuable as her experience: a community of people who trusted her.

The People Behind the Celebration

Planners often talk about choosing good suppliers. I wanted to know what that means after years of working with the same people.

What makes someone the right vendor for you?

MarI’m a little picky! Timing, delivery and the quality of the service matter a lot to me. If we’re talking about furniture or inventory, it has to be good quality. I don’t want anything that looks cheap. But above all, it’s about trust. If one vendor arrives late, it affects the logistics of the whole event. I won’t compromise the quality of an event to save money, and safety always comes first, for my clients, their guests and the vendors themselves. I want everyone involved to be happy, not only the couple.

Have some of those relationships become real friendships?

MarMost of them, I would say. Sometimes I see my vendors more than my other friends, because we spend so many hours together, through the stressful moments and the fun ones. It becomes a kind of family. I would never want to damage one of those relationships over money or a misunderstanding.

She told me about a wedding where, minutes before the ceremony, two more people joined the wedding party. The florist had made exactly the number of boutonnieres requested, and there was no time to order more. Mar turned to Yumaira of Aleli Arte Floral, a florist she has worked with for years, and asked whether anything could be done. Five minutes later, two boutonnieres were pinned in place, and none of the guests ever knew.

What changes when you’ve worked with someone for years?

MarThey know me, and they know how I like things. If I look at a table and feel it needs more flowers, or I realize at the last minute that we’re missing a small arrangement, I don’t have to explain. She tells me not to worry, and she finds a way. When you have that kind of relationship with a vendor, you know you can trust them.

The same people stood by her when she launched her own company. Flowers by JJ, Ave Sol Photography and Gabo of Red Carpet Film all took part in the photo shoot that introduced her business, and Eventos Elegantes kindly provided the furniture. Others answered her announcement with the same message: it was about time. Today they are among the vendors she trusts most.

She is just as quick to credit the people who taught her along the way. At the Four Seasons she met Liliana Diaz, then Director of Travel Industry at the resort and today Sales Director at TL Portfolio.

MarShe became a mentor to me. She helped me sharpen my sales skills and encouraged me to step outside my comfort zone. Thanks to her guidance, I grew more confident starting conversations and building relationships, skills that have stayed with me throughout my career.

Later, Yahwe Garcia, CEO and owner of Del Cabo Events and the last company she worked for before starting her own, became another mentor and taught her a great deal about running a business. And it was Jayson Stirrup who gave her that first chance.

What Elegance Really Means

Mar describes her style as romantic and clean, two words that sound simple until she explains them.

What do romantic and clean actually mean to you?

MarRomantic is the flowers and the textures. I’m very specific about the shape of a centerpiece, which flowers we use and the percentage of each color, because a centerpiece with too many flowers can look messy. I’m just as particular about the fabrics, the table runner, the napkins.

Clean is alignment. The chairs aligned, the glasses in the right place, the table neat. I’ve been a guest at events where the table was so crowded with decoration that there was nowhere to put my glass. For me, that isn’t elegance. People need to be comfortable.

A table can be beautiful in a photograph and still be uncomfortable for the people sitting at it. Mar pays attention to both.

How do you make sure you’re designing the couple’s wedding, and not your own?

MarIt starts with an interview. I ask them to share a few pictures they love, maybe a Pinterest board, and then I ask what they like about each one and what they don’t. I also ask them to describe the feeling they want for their wedding in three words. Then I put together a presentation with the furniture, flowers, centerpieces and tabletop, so they can see the ceremony, cocktail hour and reception before we work on the details. I have my own style, of course, but if a couple wants something more maximalist, I can do that too. I just make sure it stays balanced.

Her eye for design doesn’t switch off after work. She follows fashion and interiors, and she has watched wedding taste move from shine and glamour toward organic materials and a quieter kind of elegance. Her own home, though, was not what I expected.

Does your home look like the weddings you design?

MarNo! My home is very girly. I have pink chairs, rattan lamps, three sofas in different shapes and lots of tropical plants. My friends love it. But I’ve been thinking about changing it, maybe to ivory, white and green.

It was a lovely contrast: the woman who aligns every glass at a wedding lets color and shape play freely at home. She is now thinking about formal studies in interior design.

A Wedding Is More Than One Day

Many couples arrive thinking about one day. A good part of Mar’s first conversations is spent reminding them that a destination wedding is a whole weekend, and that their guests are giving up far more than an evening to be there.

What do couples most often underestimate about a destination wedding?

MarPlanning a whole wedding weekend, not just the wedding day. Some couples come to me wanting help only with the day itself, so I always ask whether they’ve thought about the entire weekend. Their loved ones are traveling from another country, spending money and sometimes using their vacation to be there. On the wedding day you might only have four or five hours with them, and sometimes not even enough time to speak with everyone. A welcome cocktail party or a rehearsal dinner gives them more time together, and it’s also a way to say thank you, so the guests feel appreciated.

Couples often rethink their plans after that conversation, adding a second gathering or a catamaran outing the next day. Seeing the weekend a couple hasn’t pictured yet is part of what a planner is there for.

What else helps guests feel appreciated?

MarPersonalized welcome gifts, something with the guest’s name or a detail that feels personal. People really appreciate that. And of course, an open bar! Everyone is happy with tequila.

We laughed, but her point was serious. A destination wedding gathers people who may rarely be in the same place again, and the time they share matters as much as the setting.

The Weddings She Remembers

After all these years, do you still get emotional watching a bride walk down the aisle?

MarYes. I cry at almost every wedding. The ceremony is one of the most important moments of the day, and for the planner one of the most stressful. The processional, the songs, the timing: everything has to happen at the right moment. But once the bride starts walking down the aisle, I can finally breathe. It’s my first breath of the day. And then I usually cry.

I love the first dance too, seeing the couple enjoy that moment surrounded by the people they love. It’s very emotional.

She spends the day making sure everyone else can be present for that moment. And then, for a few seconds, she can be present too.

Are there weddings you still think about years later?

MarMany. But what stays with me most are the couples, their personalities and the friendships we built. I planned a wedding around twelve years ago for a couple who were living in New York, and when I visited, they took me to dinner. Another couple whose wedding I did at the W sent me a photo a few months ago of their first baby. I’ve visited clients in San Francisco too. I remember the weddings, but the relationships are what I value most.

I had expected a spectacular ceremony, or a design that came together against the odds. Instead she remembered a dinner in New York and a baby photograph. It explained why she had spoken so warmly about her vendors earlier. The friendships were never incidental to the work.

Has the work changed how you think about relationships?

MarYes, because for me it’s about connection. Planning a wedding can be stressful, so from the first meeting I tell my couples that we should try to enjoy the ride together. The couple and the planner need to be a good match. When we are, I commit completely, because their wedding is something that won’t be repeated. Seeing the couple happy, knowing their wedding was a success, means everything to me.

What would you tell a couple who is just beginning to plan?

MarThink about what you want to remember, the feeling you want to have, not only what the wedding will look like. The aesthetic matters, of course. But it’s so important that you enjoy the moment and don’t feel stressed. Planning a wedding isn’t just hiring vendors. There’s the logistics, the timing and all the unexpected things that can happen, so you need someone who understands what you want and can take care of it. Then you can simply enjoy it.

Her own career began with an opportunity she hadn’t planned for. Someone remembered her from an internship, she took a job she knew little about, and years later she was spending her weekends at weddings because she couldn’t stay away. And although she has spent years refining her eye for design, the memories she returns to have little to do with how a wedding looked. She remembers the florist who made two boutonnieres in five minutes. The colleagues who told her it was about time. The couples who still take her to dinner, and the families who send photographs as their lives go on.

The flowers are taken down. The tables are cleared. Guests fly home and the photographs find their way into albums. But some of what was built along the way lasts for years.

For Mar, those are the things that stay.

To see more of Mar Barreto’s work, visit marbarreto.com or follow her on Instagram at @marbarretoevents.

Photographs courtesy of Mar Barreto, with additional photographs by Guillermo Muñoz.

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